Education

I learned more about life in school compared to what I should be learning from a textbook. With regrets hanging such as why I didn’t study hard enough and wasted the 3 years away with a GPA that leaves me with nowhere to go after I ORD.

I always had this mindset that results aren’t important, that just getting the cert is enough. Everyone is trying to out do each other, everyone is getting a degree, it has become a norm that degree has become the benchmark. Society has taught us that to have successful life one must be able to have a better qualification than others. The most obvious qualification would be from a piece of paper. Up front and it’s black and white.

Before you even get short listed for a interview they would see your qualification, before they consider you. Yes in this modern time, they say interview is more important, would a boss take a risk to hire you who has no qualification compared to someone who does? It’s all talk during an interview, if you don’t have any evidence to back you up, how do you expect the person interviewing you to give you a chance?

In a society where majority have become so narrow minded and the only way that one can succeed is to have a better qualification and in the attempt to achieve that you leave yourself a trail of debts.

How in that way do you consider yourself to be successful when you end up working to pay off your debts? That’s only debts from education? How about housing? And other debts that you will end up having?

We are only humans trying to make a living, the rich get richer while the average joe do their best to survive, to dream of a better life. But life is unfair and it’s selfish, no matter what is said, at the end of the day, how you end up depends on yourself.

Some people have it easy because they are born into a well to do family, while others, they try their hardest to give their all, in an attempt to make it out of the vicious cycle of poverty but opportunity has only space for a handful, how about the rest who are unable to make it?

Do they fall into depression and give up all hopes of getting backup. Some do, while other try and try, failure after failure, they fight with the new batch of people for that opportunity and only those who are worthy and lucky enough finally break through it.

We have live so long depending on evidence, seeing is believing. That we need such things as certificate to back you up, whereas what you are able to offer is brush away, because you didn’t have the qualification to create an opportunity for yourself to showcase what you have.

In short, everyone has an equal opportunity, you just got to be at the top to be able to grab it, because if you don’t cherish the opportunity given to you, someone else will.

Communication

Communication, everyone knows what it is about, but do anyone actually understands it? I believe that there is a difference between knowing and understanding. We all know what communication is, it is just interacting, we also know that for communication to take place, there must be a minimum of two people, but sometimes during communication, we forget that communication is two way.

We become self- absorbed, all we think about is what I want, what I need, what I feel is better for you. We then become so absorbed in thinking about the ‘me, I, ‘that we don’t even notice saying it at all. Yes, you can argue that I’ve been through this, I know this should be done. Yes, you can speak from experience, just because you’ve been through it, but why deny that person a chance to grow, a chance to experience it? You can stop them from making this mistake once, but what about the next time? Will you be with them all the time?

If you love someone, be there to advise them, to give them the support they need when they ask, not making things worse. We all wouldn’t like to see the person you love go through the pain or the setback you felt. You can be there to help her through it, support her. But please do not say ‘I told you so or I know how you feel’, Yes, you been through it but different people takes in things differently, how we take a setback is differ from people to people, so save yourself the trouble of ‘you are not me, how would you know how I feel’ replies.

The funny thing is, technology is supposed to help us get closer with people by means of social medias, but ironically social media is one of the reason why communication is becoming so dull. We start to assume and be skeptical about the things the person say, the pictures that are taken. We start to doubt the other party on the things they say. Before you start to be offensive on the things you say, remember that they were never yours. Yes they might be in a relationship with you, but that doesn’t mean they are your possession, that you can control their life. If you are unhappy with it, talk to them. I find the point of cold war pointless, it only makes matter worse. Problems aren’t  going to just disappear overnight, maybe it will get worse during the talk but in the end it will become better. Give yourself time to be cool headed before talking, the things we say when we are angry are usually the things we will regret in time.

“You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” – Scott Peck You cannot listen and do something else, in your mind stop thinking about ways to answer her, just keep quiet, keep your mind blank and just listen to what they have to say then take a few moments then give a reply.

Is it worth it?

In our efforts to have a better and brighter future, we tend to lose sight of why we are actually doing it. We sometimes end up working for the sake of working, still believing that what we are doing is for a better future. I’m not saying its wrong to work for a better future, but personally no matter how hard you work, do not forget to have fun. As we all know time flies, in the efforts of striving for a better future, we lose track of time and end up giving up our youth. 

Some people might say, sacrifice your youth and you can enjoy when you are older, personally i disagree to that, i believe that in everything we do, we must not forget that each day past is a day we are not able to get back. Yes, we should work hard, but in the effort of working hard do not forget to have fun. Do not forget that with each passing day, we are getting older.

Yes, we can totally enjoy the fruits of our labor when we are older, but to me, there are things that you can only enjoy when we are still young, when we are still youthful, why sacrifice a phase of life for something that we are unsure about? 

Every phase in life is unique, each phase teaches and each phase give us memories that will shape us to who we are when we are older. Enjoy whatever time you still have as a youth, cause when you become an adult, there are things that you will be restricted, not by others but by yourself. Do not forget that time is precious and every minute that passes is every minute gone. Harsh as it may sound, every minute that ticks away, is a minute more towards death. Will you look back when you are old and ask yourself ‘ for what purpose did i work so hard for, i wasted my youth for things that i can never bring with me when i die.’ Memories are the only things that will follow us through time, we are the creators of our memories, when you look back, will it be one that you enjoyed or will it be one that you wish you could enjoy?

You only live once, so embrace each day, taking each day as it comes, Yes we should plan for the future but do not lose track of the present while looking ahead. You might slip and fall on a banana peel, if you do not look what is one step ahead of you. 

At the end of the journey and you ask yourself ‘was it worth it?’, will your answer be Yes or No? 

Weakest

Recently, the word ‘weak’ keeps appearing in my mind, why am i so weak? i strive to be good at things but i can always never be good enough, i have no idea what my strengths are. I keep failing at the things i want, its like i am never good enough as such i am unable to achieve it. Can someone tell me how can i be better in what i do? for example squash, i train 3x as hard during my Polytechnic days, i wanted to win a Silver very badly, if possible a Gold. 

I literally sacrifice everything i had for it, 2x school training, 2x private training, 1x self-training and 2x match experience. i train literally everyday. i gave up a-lot for it, my studies, my social life and maybe my family? But at the end of the day all i got was a Bronze. I was really disappointed, like why is it that i train so hard and i still can’t achieve better? Whats more it was my last year, i didn’t skip training, even if i was sick and was injured i still went for training.

I still remember one training whereby i was running a fever and still went for training, i felt really ill and halfway during training i just puke. It was like weeks before Pol-Ite.(Poly-Ite games) on my way home i fainted and needed to call my sis to pick me up at St.Gabs. I knew i was weak, therefore i needed to train, what others gain in years and years of training, i had only 2 years to gain. Every training i went was a chance for me to improve, i gave my 100% for every training i went, doing all the shitty physical and shit.

When i was brought to the team during my 2nd year, there was internal conflict within my team, started by a certain someone, he said i was being too arrogant and was too serious. I was serious in every training giving my 100%, i started from scratch, i never played a racquet sports before in my life. So i was one of the lousiest member in the team. So they started hating my work ethics. I don’t mind, you can’t expect everyone to have the same working style as you. Some of them were being half-ass during training, It made me really wanting to quit, plus the constant nagging from my parents to why am i going home so late everyday.  

I was on the verge of quitting when one of my friend said this to me ‘ No matter what happen, squash is an individual sport, when you enter the court you will be alone, no one is going to help you, its only a team sport whereby you train together. Just be the best and everyone will automatically keep their mouth shut, if they see how fast you improve they might chance their attitude during training. “Lead by Example”. Hearing what she said, i decided to train twice as hard.

I was the 6th seed during my 2nd year, During my last Pol-Ite i was the 1st seed. But despite my effort my teammates weren’t motivated but instead they felt ‘ whats the point of training so hard? i can’t beat him no matter how hard i try’. Then it hit me. Some people don’t value the spot they got, in their mind they are satisfied with just being in the team. I don’t have to be the best, as long as i am in, that is all that matters. Why did i train so hard for a team that don’t even aim to win. 

Alright enough of the ranting about my life. In short, we lost 3-2 in the deciding game, there is this quote i will always remember ‘ how much effort you put into something, it will show when it counts’. I won my all my games 3-0 without losing a set. 

There are a-lot of things which i wanted and i gave my all, literally my all, doing everything i possibly can. But i am close to never able to get it. It strikes me that ‘I AM WEAK’ and no matter how hard i put effort into it, i will never achieve it. There are so many things i feel i’m weak at 
Naming a few
I am a horrible friend, 
I don’t have emotions,(lots of people say i am emotionless)
i am not sensitive to other people feelings.
i am selfish.

Well those are somethings that goes through my mind everyday, i’m honestly someone who is a bad person. Maybe that is why recently i have been going out and doing things alone? Why bring misery to others right? if you know you are a bad person to associate with then you should keep a distance from others, don’t bring your suffering to people. 

(The smarter you, the darker you see the world as, Maybe its good to be stupid, cause when you are stupid, you focus less, you know less and when you know less you care less. Problems arise only when you care, when you don’t care its not going to affect you.)